Your First Christmas Present

Dear Laney,

Your Grandma Sue gave you your first Christmas present this morning, and to me, this is what it looks like you're thinking in these pictures:

1. "Wow, I got a present!"

2. "What's a present?"

3. "Where's the gift receipt?"

The gift turned out to be an awesome teething ring made out of little bug-shaped rubber beads. I know you love it, because you've already slobbered all over it. That's how you show your love for things: with drool. You and Gus have that in common.

Love,

Mom

Thanks, Grandma Sue

Dear Laney,

I had a lot of work to do this week, so your Grandma came over from Spokane so you would have someone to play with. The two of you read books and watched "The West Wing" and sang songs and learned how to catalog shop - all very important things.

She also brought over a big tin of the BEST COOKIES EVER. I have eaten five of them today. So, if your mom weighs 400 pounds when you read this, it's your grandmother's fault.

Love,

Mom

Shopping Is Exhausting

Dear Laney,

For the first few months of your life, I was scared to take you anywhere. I was worried that you would become unhappy in the middle of an errand and cause a scene. One thing about you, Laney: when you're unhappy, you LET PEOPLE KNOW.

But now, you've become a lot more reasonable. You seem to like shopping, or at least getting out and seeing new things and new people. And when all else fails, you're happy to go to sleep.

As Granny Jack would say, "Thank you for being flexible and cooperative."

Love,

Mom

P.S. Pay no attention to the beer in the cart. It's certainly not there because you never let us sleep and Mama needs to take the edge off. No way.

Here's The Thing About Peg Peg

Dear Laney,

If finding a bargain was an Olympic event, your grandmother would take home the Gold. She thinks about you every time she goes shopping. I know this, because every week, a new box of clothes and goodies arrives at our mailbox.

If nothing else, you are the best-dressed baby in Alberton.

But here's the thing: Your grandmother loves you very much, and she's a sucker. If I tell her you could use a pair of brown pants, she sends six.

Try not to use this power for Evil.

Love,

Mom

He Who Shall Be Named Later

Dear Laney,

Your grandfather Philip from Georgia came to visit us this Thanksgiving. He doesn't like mountains or snow, so you must be pretty special.

He put your stroller together and wheeled you around the grocery store while I shopped. And after Thanksgiving dinner, he let you be on our Trivial Pursuit team, even though you obviously don't know anything about Geography or Science and Nature yet.

It's interesting how you can know your parents your whole life, but when they become grandparents, you see them in a whole new way. It's so nice to get to sit back and watch everyone fall in love with you.

Philip says that he doesn't want to be called Grandpa, so you'll have to come up with a great name for him when you get a little older. I'm sure you'll think of something great that doesn't make him sound too old.

Love,

Mom

You and Your Fingers

Dear Laney,

For the longest time, you had this love/hate relationship with your fingers. Sometimes, you would manage to accidentally get one of your fingers in your mouth and you would be SO HAPPY - it was like someone had given you the BEST TREAT EVER. But then your arm would jerk, and your fingers would go flying away from your mouth and you would be VERY VERY ANGRY.

We all thought it would be a wonderful day when you learned that YOU are the one in control of those fingers, and you can have them any time you want.

Well, it finally happened. You figured out that you are in charge of your hands, and you're taking advantage of it. You've taste-tested all of your fingers, and so far, it seems like you like your index fingers the best.

We're happy for you.

Love,

Mom

The Tantrum Stops Here

I don't want to cuddled.

Don't want to be held.

Don't like to be looked at, talked to

or smelled.

Don't want to sing songs

Don't want to play

I'm just mad as hell

Someone's ruined my day.

My face is bright red

My screaming? Full throttle!

No, I DON'T want a back rub

a boob or a bottle.

I put on a show

the whole house - my stage

I'm quite the performer:

16 Pounds Of Rage!

Mom looks like hell

Daddy's gone for a beer

So I guess for today...

The tantrum stops here.

Short People Got Nobody

Dear Laney,

There's a song by Randy Newman called "Short People," that goes:

They got little baby legs
That stand so low
You got to pick em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That go beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep

I thought about it the first time I put you in your Jumperoo, and had to put a pillow under your feet so you could touch the ground.

I am very sorry you will never play in the WNBA. Blame your dad.

Love,

Mom

Two Months and Counting!

Dear Laney,

That's a picture of your doctor, Rebecca Hoover. We love her. We like the way she calls you "kiddo" and always tells you how adorable you are.

We took you in for your two month appointment today, and we learned that you're in the 75th percentile for height and "off the charts" for weight. You weighed in at a robust 15 pounds, 2 ounces. Hoover says that in addition to being adorable, you seems like the perfect baby - in great health with a great disposition. We were all on cloud nine.

Then, it came time for the shots.

Two nurses came in so they could each give you two shots in each leg. I held your hand and cried. Then you cried. Your dad didn't know which one of us to console first. Then, you calmed down and quit crying, but I cried all the way to the car. Okay, I cried all the way to Walgreen's where I bought some infant Tylenol in case the you needed it later.

This motherhood thing is rough.

Love,

Mom

Happy Birthday to Mom

Dear Laney,

For my birthday, your dad and I went to see one of my favorite writers - David Sedaris - do a reading at the Wilma. You went over to Nate and Brynn's house to play. I didn't cry at all this time when I told you good-bye, so I'm really growing up.

They were excellent babysitters - Nate says you curled up on the couch and watched movies and barely fussed.

Good job, Laney! Good job, Nate & Brynn!

Love,
Mom

Underestimating My Heart

Dear Laney,

When you decide to become a parent, you think you have a pretty good idea how much you're going to love your baby. And then, you meet your baby, and the love you have for her is so much bigger and stronger and deeper than you could have thought possible.

Sometimes, I look at you and I love you so much that I feel like my heart is walking around outside my body.

Love,

Mom

Meeting Granny Jack

Dear Laney,

I love you to death, but there were times in your first few months of life that you were more than two college-educated grown-ups could handle. When I needed a little extra help, I called your great grandmother and she hopped on a plane and high-tailed it to Missoula.

She played with you and helped you practice crawling and rolling over. And she cleaned our house and made us a freezer full of soup that your Dad and I lived on for months.

I remember when I was little, Granny Jack and I had a great time together. We colored and played "Let's Pretend" and one time I even remember us chasing each other around her backyard with water guns. She was one of the best parts of my childhood, and I know she'll be a highlight of yours, too.

By the way, here's a tip: If you ever want her to buy you something, tell her you need it "to get organized." She's been falling for that for ...oh... 33 years now.

Love,

Mom

Grandma Sue Gets Hitched!

Dear Laney,

Today, you attended the wedding of your Grandma Sue to Erik. It was a beautiful day, which you can't vouch for because you slept through almost all of it. I wore you in your pink wrap and carried you around as your dad and I put together the flowers and set the tables. You were a good sport.

We sat in the front row as they exchanged their vows. It was a heartwarming moment, and then...well, there's no way around it...you pooped. You were making sounds from inside that wrap like EEEERRRRRR and UUUUUUUUUHHHH and your dad and I kept looking around to see if anyone else was hearing it.

At the party, a nice lady friend of Erik's asked to hold you, and your Dad stood five feet away from her like he was your Secret Service agent. You're still so new and precious to us.

Love,

Mom

Your First Babysitters

Dear Laney,

For our first wedding anniversary, your dad and I decided that we were going to go out to dinner in Spokane. Your grandma Sue and great aunt Nancy (that's her standing next to your dad) said that they would love to play with you while we went to dinner.

I handed you over to your grandma, and I started crying...we hadn't been apart at all since you were born, and I felt so bad leaving you behind, even though it was only for two hours. I cried almost all the way to the restaurant - I felt like I had left an arm or a leg behind.

I think you and Sue and Nancy had a great time - Nancy already knew about your favorite book (TEN IN A BED) and they took turns holding you.

Your dad and I had a great dinner, but mostly we talked about you. I'm sure there will be thousands of times in the future that we go our different ways, but I think I'll always remember that first time as the hardest.

Love,

Mom

Meeting Peg Peg and Tex

Dear Laney,

Your grandparents Peg Peg and Tex came to visit this week. We weren't planning on seeing them 'til Christmas, but your grandmother saw your pictures and decided she had to get her hands on you.

Your grandmother picked you up at the airport and didn't set you down the whole time she was here. From the pictures, it looks like Tex got to hold you once, but I can only assume it's because Peg Peg had to go to the bathroom. I'm sure he didn't get a very long turn.

I have a feeling you're really going to help your Florida grandparents rack up some frequent flier miles.

Love,

Mom