I Should Know By Now...

Dear Laney,

I've had almost a year's experience in being your mom, but I still make dumb mistakes - like assuming you couldn't climb your way into a patio chair if you set your mind to it. Silly, silly me.

Thanks for reminding me that you are not to be underestimated.

Love,

Mom

Olé!

Dear Laney,

They outlawed bullfighting in Catalonia last week, which struck a major blow for animal rights groups everywhere.

In related news, you were introduced to refried beans this week, which should prove beneficial to the pro-pinto bean lobby.

Love,

Mom

I'll Bet She Thinks She's Sooooo Funny.

Dear Laney,

We got a birthday present in the mail for you today from your Aunt Robyn. She sent you the cutest barrettes and a picture frame and a puzzle. But the REAL gift was 8 billion giblets of paper.

Yes, your aunt sent a one-year-old a big ol' box of confetti. And boy was it a hit.

Now all of our readers know what to send you for your birthday: a big box of their shredded tax receipts.

Love,

Mom

Brooke's Hospital For Books

Dear Laney,

Lately, you've really been enjoying your pop-up and lift-the-flap books. But you've also discovered that there's a more effective way to find the jungle animals than lifting the flap every time you look at the book - now, you just rip the paper tree out of the book entirely. That'll teach that damn monkey to hide from you.

While I find it super irritating to have to glue pieces back into your books on a daily basis (I currently have glue drying on a monkey's ear, an elephant's waterfall and a penguin's shower curtain), I have to admit there's a certain brutal efficiency to your system.

Love,

Mom

Today's Guest Blogger: Dad!

Dear Laney,

It's possible that the people who read this blog might think that you are an ideal infant, and raising you is a breeze. Ninety something percent of the time, that's true. But occasionally, there are moments - like when you wake up at 3am and refuse to go back to sleep and instead start wailing like you're a back-up singer for AC/DC...or when you pitch a hissy because I closed the dishwasher before you were done throwing all the forks on the ground - when motherhood isn't so peachy. So this afternoon, instead of resorting to yelling or crying or a kicky blend of prescription meds, I treated myself to a Mom's Day Out and went into town solo. Call it a mental health getaway.

While I was running my errands, your dad took you on a little trip with the dogs. You can read his version of the day below.

Love you bunches,

Mom

Dear Laney,

Today, you took your dogs for a hike. We went about 2 miles up Wagon Mountain Rd. One day we'll go cross country skiing there, too. Gus and Ella had lots of fun, but they would have liked it better if it was snowing. You tried to say "Gus" a few times - you're finally starting to believe your mom and me when we tell you the dogs aren't both named "Ella." Right now, "Gus" comes out like "Ugh," but we think it still counts.

Your mom doesn't like the truck very much, but you think it's awesome, 'cause you get to sit up front. You laughed and sang the whole time.

I had a great time today, and I hope you did, too.

Love,

Dad

Boost Me Up, Baby

Dear Laney,

This evening, we met your dad in town for dinner at the Mexican restaurant. While I was in the restroom, your dad decided that you were big enough for a booster chair, and you don't need a high chair anymore. That'll teach ME to tinkle.

Then, the waitress decided you were grown up enough for your own big-girl drink, complete with straw. And then I ordered you your own grilled cheese, on your own plate.

I don't guess I need to tell you how you felt about these developments:

I'm very proud of you, big girl.

Love,

Mom

H2Oh My Goodness

Dear Laney,

We had a wet n' wild day today. This morning, we hung out in the backyard, where I filled a bunch of plastic containers with water and brought out your bath toys. You thought this was great fun, until you wanted to see what was at the bottom of one of those tubs of water, and you lifted it up to see...and dumped the entire half gallon of water on your face. It took you a minute to recover from that one.

And we went inside for Bath #1.

This afternoon, I was feeling a little stir crazy, so we took a drive down to the river, where we ran into a big group of French people. I could tell they were French because all six of them were smoking, and it's not 1958. Also, they were speaking French. Then, some locals came by, and we got to meet Angus The Kayaking Dog.

You sat in the river and played with the rocks and played with the rocks and played with the rocks some more. I worry you're going to become a Geologist and all of our family dinners are going to sound like "Granite blah blah Metamorphic blah blah Why isn't Mom listening to us?"

Finally, I can not explain why you seem to think that tossing a rock in the river is the height of hilarity, but these moments were definitely the highlight of my day:

And then I brought you home for Bath #2.

Let's do it all again tomorrow.

Love,

Mom

P.S. I don't know if you can see the minnows in this container, but they officially make me the first Burbach to catch any fish this summer.

The Trials and Tribulations of Little Ella

Dear Laney,

Last Thanksgiving, Grandma Sue brought you a miniature stuffed Husky that looks a little like Ella:

Like most things, you were in love with it for about five minutes and then you completely forgot it existed. To be honest, Little Ella found her way into the toy bin, and was forgotten about 'til a week ago.

Since you're fascinated with anything remotely to do with our dog, I pulled out Little Ella and started using her to demonstrate things, like "This is how you pet Ella. Gentle, gentle..."

I even pulled Little Ella out and gave her a fake pedicure so you would feel a little better about having your own toenails cut.

Yesterday, it seemed that all the time we've spent taking care of Little Ella paid off when you spent half an hour trying to force feed her Goldfish crackers.

I don't need to tell you that the real Ella was parked at the back door, silently hollering, "LOOK, YOU CRAZY PEOPLE, THROW THOSE CRACKERS OVER HERE."

Love,

Mom

Time Well Wasted

The dishwasher's full.

The dogs need a bath.

To add up our To Dos

Would take some serious math.

The bills are unopened.

The laundry's unfolded.

Something in the fridge

has probably molded.

I should paint that old table

And water the plants

Sweep up the Gus hair

And iron Dad's pants.

But for one afternoon

We'll leave those things undone

Round up some toys

And sit in the sun.

Because moments like these

Are such fun to behold

And before I can blink

You'll be one year old.

So ignore all the mess

'Cause I've thought it all through...

Nothing's more important

Than time spent with you.

Shoppin' on Sunday

Dear Laney,

We had a nice little Sunday. Your great-aunt Nancy just sent us a gift card to Outback Steakhouse to thank us for our hospitality during her visit a few weeks ago. The gift was unnecessary but totally appreciated, so today we drove into town and you got to eat your favorite meal in the world: Outback's Boomerang Mac n' Cheese. You can really put a dent in a bowl of that stuff.

We did a little shopping at Target and Costco (where you got a new pop-up book about jungle animals. We also got you a CD of children's songs that will probably drive me batty within the week, and I'll have no one to blame but myself).

This evening, you and your dad shared a fruit buffet on the coffee table. It's moments like this that make me realize how much fun y'all are to hang out with. And why my coffee table is always sticky.

Seriously - always.

Love,

Mom

Who's That Baby In My Swing?

Dear Laney,

Last night, Brooke, Todd and Cedar came over for dinner and it was super fun, as always. While your dad was manning the grill, you got to hang out in the backyard and play with Cedar.

Then, we came inside and ate, and you entertained Cedar as she hung out in your old swing.

I'm sure you were wondering who this little baby was, and why she was hanging out in your swing. And I'm sure Cedar was wondering why the heck her parents keep loading her up and taking her to That Place Where The Big Scary Baby Pokes Me In The Face.

At least, that's what I imagine her internal monologue is here:

Obviously, we need a few hundred more iterations of "Gentle! Gentle!"

Love,

Mom

Bring Me The Shrimp Fork. It Amuses Me.

Dear Laney,

Your dad and I have noticed lately that when we finish dinner, you really seem to enjoy playing with our forks and spoons. So, last night, I decided to give you your own shrimp fork - it was the closest thing I had on hand that was roughly the right size for you.

What? Of COURSE I have shrimp forks. I have 12 of them.

Because you never know when a dozen people might come over and demand shellfish, that's why. And the Southern hostess in me would hate to have to tell them no.

That's not crazy, it's just PREPARED.

I don't need to tell you how well this fork situation is working out. Your father's love of tools and my love of food have combined in you to create a perfect storm of meal consumption.

Love,

Mom

Toothapalooza

Dear Laney,

You've been cutting teeth left and right the past week, and our current total is 3 and a half on the bottom, one and a half on top.

Steak for everybody!

Love,

Mom

Today's Important Lessons

Dear Laney,

Here are some things we discovered today:

1) The Children's Museum defines "toddler" in re: its Toddler Play Group as "kids who are obviously in the second grade and can probably write in cursive." I know, I know. I need to get over my personal aversion to the museum, since you love it so much. I will probably feel the same way when you insist on blasting the latest single from the Hannah Montana of 2023.

2) Your mom doesn't have infinite purchasing power, and has very few liquid assets:

I know. I'm as shocked as you are.

3) Chocolate is divine....

4) ...until there's no more left on the plate. And depression sets in.

We should probably keep this chocolate thing to ourselves because you're in no way supposed to be eating it. I won't tell Dr. Hoover if you won't. And if she asks us point blank at your next appointment, we'll look at each other and pretend we no speaka tha English.

Love,

Mom

Thinking Outside The Box. Walking Outside The Basket.

Dear Laney,

This was an unanticipated perk of Laundry Day:

Love,

Mom