Happy Birthday, Dad

Dear Laney,

Tonight, Uncle Nate and Aunt Brynn came over for your dad's birthday dinner. Nate fed you sweet potatoes, and you fell asleep before dessert was served. Dad says his birthday was awesome and he was so glad you were here for the party.

Love,

Mom

Happy Pre-Birthday, Dad!

Dear Laney,

It's your dad's birthday weekend, so to celebrate we went skiing today over at Lookout Pass. Your Grandma Sue met us there, and the two of you hung out in the lodge all afternoon while your parents skied.

Your dad shot a little video on one of our runs:

click here

Obviously, he is a MUCH better skier than I am, since he's able to work a video camera while speeding downhill.

Happy early birthday to a terrific skier, a super dad, a great husband, a capable cameraman and a negligent blog reader.

Love,

Mom

Don't Make Me Angry. You Won't Like Me When I'm Angry.

Dear Laney,

It's your dad's birthday this weekend, so we went into town today to pick up some groceries for his special dinner. After hitting Costco and Safeway (where something in the frozen food section sparked your fancy and you started SHRIEKING), we met Dad for lunch at the Cracker Barrel.

Your dad and I had the fried fish, and then tried to feed you pureed apricots. No way around it, this made you MAD. I let you hold a french fry, but that made you EVEN MORE ANGRY. It was like that moment when Bruce Banner decides he can't take it any more and morphs into the Incredible Hulk....because at that exact moment, you finally realized YOU DON'T HAVE TEETH.

AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGG!!

After all the shopping and eating and toothless injustice, you deserved a nap.

Love,

Mom

No Animals or Babies Were Harmed In The Making Of This Movie

Dear Laney,

Apparently, you are not only my daughter, you are also Ella's puppy.

click here

Yesterday, I was looking at you sitting up on your blanket, and I thought "Gosh, Laney is sitting up so straight! That's amazing!" Then, I leaned over and realized that you had grabbed a handful of Ella's hair and were using it to hold yourself up. And she didn't seem to mind.

Boy, she loves you. The rest of us, she just tolerates.

Love,

Mom

P.S. Yes, I washed your face after.

What's Up, Doc?

Dear Laney,

Today, we went into town for your 6 month appointment with Dr. Hoover.

You were 27 inches long (90th percentile) and 21.5 pounds (98th percentile). Dr. Hoover says that when you start walking, you'll be "a string bean." She's met both your father and me, so she should know what a genetic miracle that would be.

When she put her stethoscope on your chest to listen to your heart, you grabbed it and put it in your mouth. I'm sure it's helpful that she knows what your tongue sounds like.

At the end of the appointment, you were declared to be 100% healthy and advanced on all your motor skills. Bravo.

Love,

Mom

Happy Half Birthday

Dear Laney,

Today, you turn 6 months old.

In just half a year, you've expanded my heart, made my left arm freakishly strong, and made it necessary for me to wash sweet potatoes out of my hair.

Someone once said that the life of a parent is made up of the longest days and the shortest years. So true. The past 6 months have flown by in a haze of love and diapers, squeals and pouts, stories and naps... Using a little basic math, we can estimate that you have been fed 1,080 times. I will mention this the next time someone asks me why I haven't written the Great American Novel.

I can't remember what life was like before you came...I'm just awfully glad you showed up.

Love,

Mom

Photography 101

Dear Laney,

Today, you got your hands on the camera and managed to take this picture all by yourself...right before you put the camera in your mouth and I had to take it away from you.

Overall, I think the photograph shows excellent composition, and very advanced technique; I'm sure Annie Leibovitz licks all of her lenses, too.

Love,

Mom

A Weekly Round-Up

Dear Laney,

Here are some misc. highlights from the past few days:

Today, we read PAJAMA TIME, which is your favorite book, about five times. I know it's your favorite book, because every time I start to read it, you start to squeal. I have now memorized the book and can simply recite it while you gum the pages. Everybody wins. I tried to transition over to BARNYARD DANCE today, but you're just not that excited about square-dancing pigs.

Your dad and I have noticed - thanks to the Olympics - that when I start to sing "The Star Spangled Banner," you start to moan. I don't know if you're singing along, or just trying to communicate "Moooommmm, pleeease stooooooooppp." I can't wait 'til you can add eye-rolling to your repertoire.

For lunch today, you had pureed pumpkin, which almost made your dad's head explode with the creative potential for "Pumpkin eating pumpkin" jokes/songs/comments.

This weekend, Gus tried to lick you and you grabbed his tongue. And held on. He just sighed and sat there, like "You got me." Gus is not very bright, so try not to take advantage of him. Also: It is moves like this that are the reason I have to wash your hands 20 times a day.

You had a weird angry rash this week. I researched it, diagnosed it, and whipped up a remedy. Today, the rash is almost gone. I feel like I cured polio.

Love,

Mom

Here Comes The Sun (Da da da da...)

Dear Laney,

After a 3 month absence, the sun has made its way up over the mountain and is once again shining on our house.

Glory hallelujah.

Love,

Mom

Hey, Sweet Cheeks!

Dear Laney,

"Hey, Sweet Cheeks!" is what the Wal Mart greeter yelled at you this afternoon when we walked into the store. You were such a peach all day long, until you single-handedly tried to bring down the flour tortilla display. When I told you "no," you hollered at me, as if you wanted to know who the hell I thought I was taking that pack of 24 tortillas out of your beefy little hand.

After shopping, we picked up Dad and met Uncle Nate for pizza:

Nate can make crazy sounds with his mouth - he promised he would teach them all to you when you get a little older, along with how to make obnoxious sounds with your armpit.

Can't wait.

Love,

Mom

Nap Time

Dear Laney,

Before too long, you're going to be in preschool, where they have an enforced rest period they call "nap time." If you are anything like your mother, you will loathe nap time. You will hate being told what to do in general, but there is something specific about nap time that will feel like The Man is literally keeping you down.

But trust me on this: One day, you will be in your thirties with a husband and child of your own and you will stand in the kitchen thinking to yourself, "Self, I would pay a hundred dollars to be able to take a nap."

There's an important life lesson in there somewhere, but I'm too tired to find it.

Love,

Mom

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things...

Dear Laney,

It seems that you have two great loves in your life. I would like to say that they are 1) me and 2) your dad (or at least bananas), but I would be lying. What you really love are the telephone and the remote control.

I'm all for letting you explore these two items because every time you play with them, we discover new features we didn't know they had. For example, the first time you held the remote on your own, your dad and I learned that our TV has picture-in-picture. What we still haven't learned is how to turn it off.

When I first let you play with the phone, you showed me that it also has an "intercom" mode. I could hear myself saying "Don't put that in your mouth!" in stereo.

This morning, I let you play with the TV remote again while I was on a phone call for work, but I had to interrupt the call I was on to stop you from ordering "Star Trek:The Movie" on pay-per-view. Again, I didn't know we had pay-per-view.

Of course, the real news item here is that you're holding yourself up in a standing position while reaching for your two favorite things. I think it's funny that you seem to hit all your important milestones when you're not wearing any clothes. I'm sure my mother, who buys 98% of your designer wardrobe, thinks this is a conspiracy.

Well, it's almost bedtime, so why don't you set the Tivo to record the Olympics and forward our calls to voicemail?

Love,

Mom

Wow - What a Week!

Dear Laney,

You have developed and matured more in this week than in any week before. You're holding your own bottle, you're sitting up by yourself most of the time and you want to hold/touch/lick everything. Today at the grocery store, you wanted to hold the bag of frozen mangoes. Then you tried to shove the whole bag in your mouth at once. A+ for enthusiasm. C- for logistics.

Your dad and I heard that a little whisky can be soothing to a teether, so we went ahead and poured you a highball tonight. If a Q-Tip's worth is good, half a cup must be better, right?

click here

Obviously, that's just a joke, but we'll wait a minute for all of the grandmas to pick themselves up off the floor. It's watered-down prune juice, people.

Your dad and I continue to be amazed at all the little skills you've picked up. Nice work, sweet girl.

Love,

Mom

Happy Valentine's Day

Dear Laney,

Happy Valentine's Day!

It was a big weekend:

As you may recall, your dad wrecked our car not long ago, so we went car shopping today to look for a replacement. As I went on test drives with the salesman, your dad walked you around and around the lot in your stroller. By the end of the afternoon, you probably could have explained the difference between the specs on an Outback and an Impreza - if only you could talk.

You didn't fuss once all day - not on any of your trips around the car lot, not in the salesman's office, and not in the finance department. I can't say the same for me. I will say it's difficult to be a tough negotiator while you're also mixing a bottle of formula on the salesman's desk.

We ended up buying a Subaru Forester, which looked shiny and glamorous at the dealership:

...but because we live in Alberton, Montana, it now looks like this:

After we bought the car, we drove over to Grandma Sue and Erik's house where had little pot roast sandwiches and champagne. We watched the Olympics, and decided that you can be a cross country skier or ski the moguls, but I would be a lot more comfortable if you would stay away from anything that requires you to hurtle your body off a tall ramp at 60+ mph...Or any sport that suggests you should strap yourself to a sled and careen down an icy tube.

click here

By the way, I know I look rough in this clip, but buying a car is a soul-sucking exercise.

We hope you enjoyed your first Valentine's Day as much as we did.

Next year: Candy!

Love,

Mom

The Average Workday

Dear Laney,

Because I enjoy spending time with you (and the idea of day care makes me hyperventilate,) I've been working from home since you were born.

I often wonder if the people that I'm working with in New York or L.A. imagine that my "office" is our dining room table, and I complete most of my projects with a 22-pound young'un in my left hand, typing about 10 words per minute with my right hand.

I spend a lot of time worrying that I'm not doing a good job balancing work and motherhood, but I seem to be doing an excellent job of balancing you on my left knee.

Small victories...

Love,

Mom

Home Sweet Home

Dear Laney,

I got home from my business trip late last night and crept up to your crib to check on you. When you opened your eyes and saw me, you squealed and flapped your arms like a chicken. It made me feel like a million bucks.

It looks like you and Grandma Sue had a good time together while I was gone, because this morning I found this video on my camera:

click here

Thanks again to Grandma Sue for coming over and watching you.

And thanks to Amy's mom Carol for knitting you such an awesome jacket.

Love,

Mom

Leavin'...On A Jet Plane...

Dear Laney,

I'm at the Missoula Airport this morning because I have to fly to LA for a few days for work. Your Grandma Sue is coming over to help your dad out, and I'm sure the three of you will have a good time while I'm gone. You'll probably watch the Super Bowl this afternoon, because for some reason I can't fathom, you seem to really love football.

This will be the first time I've spent more than 5 hours away from you since you were born. I'm trying to act like a grown-up, but I'm not off to a very good start since I cried all the way to the gas station in Frenchtown this morning.

My friend Will says that this will be good for us, because if we don't start spending a little time apart, you're going to end up like one of those 16 year old socially awkward home-schooled girls with big bangs and a long denim skirt. And we don't want that.

But know that I will be thinking of you every minute, and I've packed a photo album of your pictures in case some random stranger stops me in the airport and says "Excuse me, ma'am, but do you happen to have a five month old child that you'd like to show me pictures of?" If that happens, I will be able to say "Why yes, I do."

Love,

Mom

P.S. While I was packing this morning, your dad dressed you all by himself. He brought you downstairs in a shirt only, and when I asked "Where are her pants?" he said "We had a talk and decided we don't like pants."

Your New Trick

Dear Laney,

Here's what we're learning about you: If a developmental milestone requires physical effort, you're not interested...UNLESS that physical effort results in getting food into your mouth faster. See below:

Well, We Had A Good Run

Dear Laney,

For months now, you've been going to be at 8pm every night. No muss, no fuss. Then last night, you decided you would NOT be going to bed. At all.

Like Scarlett O'Hara, you shook your fists at the heavens and declared that, as God is your witness, you would never be tired again. No, nor any of your kin.

I felt bad for you, so I started to go upstairs to get you. And as soon as I put one foot on the steps, you stopped crying. Suspicious, I thought. So I came back downstairs. And you cried again. So I started to go upstairs...and you stopped. This is when I realized I was being manipulated by a five month old.

Your dad and I were going to be strong. We were going to let you "cry it out," like the books suggest. That lasted about 4 minutes until your crying was interrupting our movie. So I went and got you and let you hang out in your swing until the movie was over. It was totally because I was enjoying the movie and NOT because I'm a pushover who can't stand to hear you cry. Totally.

Anyhoo, thanks for being the perfect baby for five whole months. Now, your dad and I are looking forward to decades of fake tears, foot stomping and dramatic hair flips. And at the rate we're going, I might as well go ahead and tattoo "Sucker" on my forehead.

Love,

Mom

Life Lessons - #2

Dear Laney,

There were times when I was growing up that Peg Peg and I didn't always see eye to eye. Looking back, I know that this is partly because we were (and are) so similar: we're both hard-headed with a tendency toward bossiness. And that's okay, because those are the kind of people who end up running the world...and I've always thought your grandmother was just a few steps away from world domination.

But with a little time and distance, I can also look back and admit that those occasions when I got in trouble, it was usually because I was being a total pill.

...like the time I wrapped myself around the gumball machine at Gayfers Department Store, and refused to leave unless someone bought me some candy.

...or the time I went into the boy's bathroom at school and hit a boy for taking something from my 6 year old wimpy boyfriend.

...or the time Peg went to Skatehaven Roller Rink to pick me up from a field trip, only to discover that I was back at school because I had gotten in trouble for not following directions and the teacher didn't let me get on the bus.

Anyway, for the 18 years that we lived together, this was always the pattern:

1. Brooke does something wrong/misbehaves/acts out/is a pill/hurts her mother's feelings.

2. Brooke goes to her room and slams the door, because whatever just happened couldn't possibly be HER fault.

3. Peg Peg knocks on the door, sits on the bed, and makes it all better.

4. Brooke thinks "Wow. I KNOW this whole thing is my fault, but she's still willing to be the one to come in here and talk first. This woman must REALLY love me. Because I am A PILL."

And somewhere along the line, I learned what unconditional love is. It looks a lot like this:

No matter what I did, she never quit talking to me. Now that I'm on the other side of the parent/child divide, I understand exactly what she was feeling.

Which brings us to today's lesson:

There is nothing you could do to

make me stop loving you.

Nothing.

...although I would really appreciate it if you would stay out of the boys' room, and keep the public tantrums to a minimum.

Love,

Mom

Advanced Babysitting Techniques

Dear Laney -

If I tried to get away with this, you would scream at me.

Just sayin'.

click here

Love,

Mom

I Would Like To Discuss Your Sense Of Humor

Dear Laney,

Last night, in an effort to entertain you, I did a full-scale interpretive dance to the 80s hit "You Spin Me Round"

You spin me right 'round, baby,

right 'round,

like a record baby,

right 'round 'round 'round.

You were not impressed (see photo above).

Then, your dad said "I could go for a taco salad."

You thought this was HILARIOUS.

So he said it again:

"Taco salad."

giggle, giggle

"Taco salad."

laugh, laugh

"Taco salad."

SQUEEEEAL

Laney, I'm not sure I want to live in a world where Mexican food is funny, but modern dance isn't. Either your sense of humor isn't fully developed yet, or you're going to grow up to program one of the major networks.

Love,

Mom

Hope Your Birthday Is Delicious.

Dear Grandma Sue -

Happy Birthday!

Love,

Thor, Brooke & Laney