Everybody Guess!

Dear Laney,

It's time for America's next great quiz sensation: Guess Laney's New Favorite Word!

7:17pm

Mom: Laney, you want to take a bath?

Laney: Uh-uh

7:22pm

Mom: Laney, your bath is ready. Can we get in?

Laney: Uh-uh

7:24pm

Mom: See? Isn't it nice once you're in?

Laney: Uh-uh

7:25pm

Mom: Do you want to play with these toys?

Laney: Uh-uh

7:40pm

Mom: OK, I'm glad you're having fun, but it's time to get out.

Laney: Uh-uh!

7:45pm

Mom: You SURE you don't want to get out? Isn't it getting cold in there?

Laney: Uh-uh.

7:52pm

Mom: Thor! Get in here and watch this young'un, 'fore I fall asleep on the bath mat.

Thor: Uh-uh.

This is why I can't leave you two alone for too long: you'd just start a new pants-free, non-verbal colony that runs on cheesy bread.

Love,

Mom

Party Of One

Dear Laney,

Lately, I think you've been craving some alone time. How can I tell? Because you put on your snow boots (50% of the time on the right feet), and then you head for the back door. Once outside, you pull the door shut behind you while I wave goodbye to you from inside. Then you walk laps on the deck, muttering to yourself and shaking your head. Sometimes, you stomp.

Occasionally, you're willing to let Gus walk in circles with you, but more often you tell him "No!" and poke him in the nostril.

Maybe it's those other kids at daycare that drive you to it. Maybe you get sick of me always asking you, "Can you say...?" Maybe you get tired of being told where to sit and what to eat and when to nap. Maybe, like Grandma Sue, you just think it's too hot inside.

Whatever it is, you seem to like a few minutes every afternoon to be outside, rolling solo.

Do I watch you from inside like a hawk? Sure. In fact, just today, Ella and Gus and I were huddled inside, hiding behind the curtains to maintain the illusion of your independence, all watching as you walked back and forth on the deck. I'm sure we were all thinking the same thing...

It can't be ME, can it? No, surely not. Must be Dad.

Love,

Mom

Family Field Trip

Dear Laney,

Sometimes I worry that I'm the woman behind the world's most repetitive blog: Rocks. Library. Walmart. Dogs. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Maybe I'll start writing completely fabricated entries, like about that one time we ran into Lady Gaga at the feed store. Or maybe we'll just mix it up and start going to Target.

In the meantime, today's adventure was all about rocks. We loaded up the family and the dogs and went for a hike on the Big Horn Sheep Interpretive Trail. The entire trail was composed of crumbled rock, so for you it was "Wow" to the nth degree.

Here's what stood out to me about this hike: Our dogs were extremely well-behaved. We rarely let them run willy-nilly, because sled dogs have a tendency to start running and forget to stop, until they're lassoed by a nice Canadian Mountie. For years, they have acted like complete idiots when your dad and I would take them on outings. But today they both got to run off-leash, and never got farther away from us than this:

I finally figured out that while they'd be perfectly at peace with ME getting eaten by a bear, it would ruffle their fur a little if YOU were to get mauled on their watch. So for any readers out there wondering how to get your huskies to hang around more, the answer is simple: have a toddler. It's such an economical solution to your problem.

At the end of our hike, we took some time for you to throw rocks into the creek from the footbridge...and for me to hike out into the middle of the creek to take pictures of you throwing rocks.

I love it when you're having such a good time that you applaud yourself.

Love,

Mom

Easy Rider

Dear Laney,

Today we went to Cedar's first birthday party. Hard to believe, I know, since it seems like just yesterday she wasn't bigger than a peanut.

There were so many cars and muddy trucks in the parking lot at the Alberton Community Center where the party was held, I almost thought we had accidentally arrived at a Jethro Tull concert. But nope, all these folks were there for Cedar:

When I grow up, I hope to have as many friends as she does now.

By the way, Cedar thinks your dad is hysterical. Hundreds of people line up to see Carrot Top every night in Vegas. I can't explain either one. As your dad explains it, he's "a hit with women under 2."

Someone had brought along a collection of tricycles to the party, and you were instantly in love. Your dad pushed you around on this one until he ran out of steam, then you were happy to just sit on it. I'd rush out and buy you one today, just to watch your eyes light up like you'd won the lottery, but your feet won't be able to reach the pedals for another four years.

On the other hand, if I get you the tricycle now, you can team up with all the other female toddlers in Alberton and start your own biker gang. Like the "Pink Ladies" ...all in matching size 2T pink satin jackets.

Of course it wasn't long before you fell in with a strange group of dogs. This guy here wanted you to throw his tennis ball, but since your throwing radius is about two feet, he wasn't sure if he was supposed to fetch it or not.

That was maybe the nastiest tennis ball I've ever encountered, and made me want to dip you in a vat of Purell.

Some of the adults - including The Other Brooke - had a great time playing badminton.

Later, you played your own version, which largely consisted of beating the bejeezus out of a soccer ball with a badminton racket. I love a good sports hybrid...maybe SocMinton will be the Frisbee Golf of the 2020s.

Well, it's been a long day and I'm off to bed. Happy birthday to Miss Cedar - may it be the first of many joyous birthdays to come.

Love,

Mom

Intro to Anatomy

Dear Laney,

A+.

Love,

Mom

Tea For Three and Three For Tea

Dear Laney,

It's all teatime fun and games until you walk out to the back porch, fill your "teapot" with water from the dogs' bucket, and try to get your parents to drink it. If there's a limit to what I'm prepared to do for you, you may have found it. But keep in mind: I'm not rejecting you, I'm just rejecting that luke-warm water full of Gus hair, Ella slobber, dirt, hay and paint chips.

Iodine pills for everyone!

Love,

Mom

Ready To Rock

Dear Laney,

Last weekend, we went down to the river so you could throw another 500 rocks into the water. At this rate, it'll only take you another eight million years to get 'em all in there. Take that, fragile ecosystem!

As always, you were ready to forge ahead into the water. You're really testing the limits of those $12 snow boots from Target. Speaking of fashion, I'm not really sure what to say about this hat. It's a 3T, but it doesn't quite want to stay on that 98th percentile head of yours. I think even you are questioning this one, which is saying a lot since you've been known to wear a hat shaped like a stuffed donkey.

When Dad told you it was time to go, you tried out your new move, called the "Go Limp." It's the same kind of passive resistance used by the hippies at sit-ins.

Your dad and I sure had a good time with you today... not "going to the beach in 80 degree weather," fun, but fun all the same.

By the way, you're not imagining it: That IS a bruise on your left cheek. You and Gus decided that you both needed to run out the back door at the exact same time, which created a Two Stooges logjam situation, and when you broke free, you fell forward and hit the dogs' water bucket. We told the bucket that it was being very very bad, and needed a time out. We would have told Gus that he was responsible, but the bucket probably has a better grasp on cause and effect.

Love,

Mom

The Tao Of "Wow"

Dear Laney,

When it comes to your favorite word this week, it's no contest: "Wow" is the winner.

"Wow" has become your personal mantra, and just about everything you encounter - apparently - is "Wow"-worthy.

My cousin Heidi sent you a fold-out Easter card covered in glitter, and that earned some major "Wow"s... the kind of "wow"s that most people reserve for their first glance at the Grand Canyon, or opening a birthday present and finding a box from Tiffany's.

So I thought I'd make a list of some of this week's "Wow"s...

A dab of Ranch dressing

A stick of string cheese

A purse of your own

for holding my keys

Blowing some bubbles

Bouncing a ball

Eating some snow

A telephone call

A stroll to the mailbox

A ride into town

Balloons that go up

Dogs that lie down

Opening junk mail

Closing a door

Finding some chocolates

That weren't there before

French toast for breakfast

Pizza for lunch

A handful of Goldfish

A sip of fruit punch

Legos that stack

A blank Post-it note

A cow-shaped magnet

the TV remote

With 18 months’ wisdom

(Don’t ask me just how)

You’ve learned everything’s better

With a smile and a “Wow.”

Love,

Mom

Bienvenida a Montana

Dear Laney,

When I walked out to the baggage claim area of the airport, you and your dad were there waiting for me. When you saw me coming, you clapped and squealed and came running toward me. Now I know what it feels like to be a Fudgesicle.

We celebrated my homecoming with a ticker-tape parade chips n' salsa.

I don't know if I ever told you this (I'm getting old, so I might start repeating myself, the way Grandpa Ron loves to repeatedly tell that story about that hot young thing in Hawaii who demanded a kiss. Haven't heard that one yet? Ask him), but even when I was pregnant with you, you loved Mexican food. I would eat a big combination plate at the Mexican place, and you would start to do a dance in my tummy that your dad and I called "Enchiladas? Hell, yeah!!"

Your dad says you get your love of chips and salsa from Uncle Nate. Maybe. All I know is that the stuff is spicy as heck and you're still not impressed. Maybe you have some hidden Latin heritage mixed in with all those Norwegians and Germans.

In any case, I'm glad to be home.

My first night back, you woke up every hour and yelled "Mama?" like you were taking attendance.

Yes, sweet girl, I'm here. Now go to sleep.

Love,

Mom

Thank You And Goodbye

Dear Laney,

Tyrone and I got up early this morning and walked down to the beach with Will and Lindsay. It's pretty rare to see a moose on a beach, but this whole week has been all about getting Tyrone out of his natural habitat. I think he's going to miss California, but he can't wait to see you.

Tyrone and I want to be sure to thank Brian and Karen and Stephenson and Will and Lindsay for letting us stay with them and for all the great dinners. We want to thank Ben and Zoe (the dogs) for not eating Tyrone. We want to thank Stu for dancing in his underwear so I could film it and make the money that will pay for your day care. We want to thank Andre the Brazilian underwear model for showing us what 0% body fat looks like. We want to thank Wilshire Blvd for being so ridiculously traffic-clogged that it reminded me why I wanted to leave LA in the first place, and we want to thank all of my friends for reminding me why it was so hard to actually do it.

Love you all,

Brooke

Tyrone Does L.A. - Part II

Dear Laney,

On Wednesday, Tyrone woke up from his slumber party with Brian's dog Ben and was ready to face the day. In fact, he was so excited to be in Hollywood that he got up extra early to watch the sun rise.

After a tough day with me on set, Tyrone stopped by my friend Stacie's edit bay at Extreme Makeover and made some changes to the latest show. He got a little heavy-handed with the music cues, but I think he improved the episode overall.

After helping me wrap up my projects, Tyrone was treated to a St Patrick's day dinner by Will and Lindsay.

Even with Will's bad influence, Tyrone was mostly well-behaved...but note that I did have to carry him home.

I'm off to pack for the flight home - can't wait to see you in 8 hours!

Love,

Mom

Happy St Patrick's Day

Dear Laney,

It's St. Patrick's Day. Apparently, 1600 years ago, a Catholic bishop drove the Druids out of Ireland. As a result, non-Irish people all over America make it a point to get plastered on this day in mid-March. This is but one of many holidays with the same questionable cause and effect. See: Cinqo De Mayo.

When I talked to your dad yesterday, he said that your school had made shamrock hats to help celebrate the holiday. When he picked you up, you were the only one not wearing yours. I thought it was because you're prone to being ornery when it comes to hats, but it seems you were saving it to share with Ella.

I'm impressed that your dad took some pictures while I've been gone. Three of 'em.

This is my last night in LA, and I couldn't be more excited to see you and your dad tomorrow. Tyrone's pretty excited to be reunited with all of his buddies, too.

Happy St Patrick's Day, everybody.

Love,

Mom

Tyrone Does L.A. - Part I

Dear Laney,

Right before I left for the airport last Sunday, you stuffed Tyrone into my suitcase. I'm not sure if it was because you wanted me to have company on my trip, or if it was because you really enjoy stuffing one thing inside another, but I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and say you wanted me to have an excellent traveling companion.

Tyrone has been having a great time in L.A., and I have taken him along with me on all of my adventures.

First, I took him out for sushi in West Hollywood. As it turns out, he can put away a lot of raw fish for such a small moose.

Tyrone went for a dip at the hotel pool, though he needed some help to get out there on that floating chaise lounge. I thought it was nice of him and the rest of the crew at the shoot not to laugh at me when it turned out that the wading pool was about a foot deeper than I thought it was, and I had to walk around with wet pants most of the morning.

Between takes, Tyrone had his hair and make-up touched up by the stylist.

Finally ready for his close-up, Tyrone did some excellent posing with Andre. Though it was Tyrone's first modeling gig, Andre agreed that he has a lot of potential, especially in the men's underwear market.

Tonight, our friend Will took Tyrone out for fajitas at El Compadre on Sunset. Tyrone had a great time, of course, but we have a new one-margarita-only rule when it comes to this particular moose.

Thanks for sending me off with such a super-fun traveling companion. I can't wait to show you all of the things Tyrone and I will get into next.

Love (and miss you!)

Mom

From The Vault

Dear Laney,

Since we're not together this week, I don't have any new material to share, but I had the idea that I could share some clips n' things that I haven't put on here before.

Case in point: this clip of you from last November that makes me laugh every time I watch it.

It also makes me want to fry Ella a ham sandwich and thank her for letting you keep all your appendages.

Love,

Mom

Super Saturday

Dear Laney,

We had a great family day out yesterday - I wanted to spend as much time with you as possible before my trip, so we went downtown to Caras Park, and you got to play on the enormous castle-themed playground.

I took a picture of myself in the mirrored wall, just to prove that I was there. Shameless, I know, but your dad's not so much into taking pictures. Your dad says he'll take over the blog while I'm gone this week, but... well, I'll just leave it at that.

Then we went out for pizza - your favorite. Even though the rest of Missoula was downtown celebrating St Patrick's Day with a parade, you and your dad were still celebrating Mardi Gras.

Laissez les bon temps rouler,

Mom