Odds and Ends

Dear Laney,

Here's a list of random things that have happened lately. They're not really blog-worthy on their own, but maybe if I throw them all in here together the whole will be greater than the sum of its parts.

We went to Target yesterday, where we discovered they now sell baby food in little pouches. I think they're meant to be squeezed into a bowl for serving, but you prefer to use them as a firehose-like method of food delivery. You're a big fan of cutting out the middleman.

We've put our house on the market, and one of the things we have to do to sell it is have a well dug in the backyard. These guys are out there now, trying to find water, but it looks to me like they're drilling for oil. If they DO hit oil, that'd be super, 'cause I could quit worrying about how to pay for your college education.

A few nights ago, you were lifting your shirt over your head repeatedly, so I said "Let's practice something for when you're older. I'm going to say 'Show me your boobies!' and you're going to say 'NO!'" Unfortunately, you thought it was great fun when I hollered this at you, and you only lifted your shirt higher. You are officially banned from ever going to New Orleans or Lake Havasu.

Your new method of "crawling" is to pull yourself around on your forearms and just let the rest of your body drag behind you on the hardwood floors. It isn't very pretty, but it's effective and will come in handy if you ever go through boot camp.

...which you won't have to do. Because we're going to hit oil in the backyard.

Love,

Mom

Did Somebody Order A Baby?

Dear Laney,

I had to go outside to re-pot some of my plants this afternoon, but I was worried about all of the things you could get into in the mudroom. So I put you in a cardboard box. Once again, what some people would refer to as "bad parenting" you thought was AWESOME. Let's hope the streak continues.

Love,

Mom

P.S. I'm sure there's a joke in here about how "it's not storks who bring babies, it's Fed Ex," but I couldn't quite pull it together.

Get Well Soon, Peg Peg

Dear Laney,

Your grandmother went in for surgery on her hand this morning. We're sure she'll be back up and running soon, but in the meantime we hope she enjoys sleeping it off in a dark room with the help of some good meds.

Post-surgery is really one of the only times I advocate asking yourself, "What Would Elvis Do?"

Love,

Mom

More Advice From Clay

Dear Laney,

We got another of those e-mails from Clay Mercer of Vienna, Georgia - you know the ones - the ones that suggest I load you up on High Fructose Corn Syrup and Partially Hydrogenated Cottonseed Oil. Or as he likes to call it, "Nilla Wafers."

He was suggesting that teething babies LOVE Nilla Wafers, so I found a recipe online for homemade Vanilla Wafers and made them last night.

They are definitely a hit (Thanks, Clay!) and the only problem we have now is that your dad - who is most certainly not teething - has discovered our secret stash.

Love,

Mom

Magic Table, Magic Table...

Dear Laney,

Tonight, you looked like you were on the verge of pulling yourself up to a standing position using the coffee table. To encourage you, your dad and I put edible treats on the table that you had to pull up and reach for. You never did quite get yourself upright, but you did get yourself five mini carrots from my pot roast and two strawberries.

Way to work the system.

Love,

Mom

You're HOW Old?!?

Dear Laney,

Today is your Uncle Nate's birthday. We went to a cook-out at Nate & Brynn's last night, where you tried a piece of grilled hamburger that you stole off my plate and did NOT like it. Oh no, not at all. Your dad gave you a little spoonful of ice cream, and it was hilarious watching your facial expression shift from "I've TOLD you people a HUNDRED TIMES that I do not eat ANYTHING COLD" to "Um...perhaps I'll revise my opinion."

We put you on a towel in the living room so you could enjoy your mac n' cheese. Things were going great until a puppy snuck into the house and stole part of your dinner. You know what you liked even less than the grilled hamburger? That puppy. Your face crumpled up as you screamed about the injustice of it all.

I'll give him credit: your dad tried not to laugh.

We want to wish your Uncle Nate a very happy birthday full of love and happiness and babysitting.

Love,

Mom

Sweet Smell of Success

Dear Laney,

You have gotten your two lower teeth in, which is a major accomplishment - good work! I would put a picture of them here, except you won't let us get anywhere near your mouth. You punch and kick if we try to sneak a feel of your gum line and your tongue is working over those new teeth CONSTANTLY. I can't imagine what it's like to wake up one morning and have new teeth in your mouth. Freaky.

For the most part, you've been a good sport about the teething thing. It helps that you like these maple-flavored teething biscuits that are harder than bricks. You'll work on one of those things forever, turning it into a mess of brown goo that smells like IHOP. It gets everywhere and is a huge mess, but at this point, your dad and I don't care. Whatever gets us through the next 26 teeth with a minimum of crying is A-OK with us.

Love,

Mom

First Thing In The Morning...

Dear Laney,

I can already tell it's not going to be a good hair day for the Burbach girls.

Love,

Mom

Wrestlemania 2010

Dear Laney,

Our camera cable has been returned to us - thanks, Amy! - so blogging can continue anon.

On our last morning at Amy's, Julia and Christian were wrestling on the bed, so you decided to get in on the act. You hurled yourself at Christian. Or maybe you tried to hug him. All he knew was that a whole lot of baby was headed his way.

It's hard to prepare yourself for 27 pounds of dynamite.

Love,

Mom

Happy Birthday, Philip

Dear Laney,

The sun is out, my laptop has recovered, and it's your grandfather's birthday. It's shaping up to be a great day.

Love,

Mom

We Are Now Experiencing Technical Difficulties

Dear Laney,

It seems that I left the cord that connects the camera to the computer in California.

Then, this afternoon, you knocked over a cup of coffee onto the keyboard of my brand new laptop.

Apparently, God does not want us to blog today.

In the meantime, let's all take a deep breath and have a moment of prayer that Mom's mac recovers.

Love,
Mom

The Big Kid Park

Dear Laney,

We went to the park this afternoon. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

I'm starting to think that you love sunshine and people and sand. Your dad isn't going to take this well, because as soon as you learn to talk, he's going to be outnumbered.

Love,

Mom

Your Italian/Mexican Cheering Section

Dear Laney,

This afternoon, we went over to Amy's grandmother Noni's house. Noni is Italian with a capital "I." If you have a problem, she knows exactly which saint to pray to, and when you get to her house, she asks if she could get you any chocolate, grapes or cheese. How about a mint?

You also got to meet Max today, Amy's stepson. Like every other Moreno under the sun, you loved him immediately. Max had the brilliant idea that you might be more interested in crawling if he put a Ritz cracker on the floor, just out of reach. You got frustrated, but you rallied, and after one big push, you nabbed that cracker.

The crowd went wild.

Things are going to seem awfully quiet in Alberton when we get home.

Love,

Mom

A Matter of Perspective

Dear Laney,

This morning, Amy put a huge bow on your head and Julia said "Mom! She looks like a present!"

I thought you looked a little silly, but at least this should finally put to rest your grandmother's suggestion that if we would only put a bigger bow in your hair, your head will look smaller.

Obviously, not true.

Love,

Mom

Another First

Dear Laney,

Another first for today: Your first time in a pool.

Love,

Mom

24 Solid Hours of Good Mood

Dear Laney,

When I said you'd been doing the patented Laney Chicken Flap Happy Dance all day long, here's some proof:

It helps that Amy is willing to do anything to get you to laugh, including putting your undies on her head.

But this clip is officially the hardest you have laughed - ever. For anyone watching, I highly recommend cranking up the speakers on your computer. It's totally worth it. I just happened to have my laptop open when this happened, so I used my webcam to catch it (that's why it's so dark and grainy).

You had been playing with a plastic fish, and Amy put the fish in the back of a plastic truck and said "Bye bye Fishie!" and then pushed the truck. And THAT - apparently - was the funniest thing you had ever seen.

Love,

Mom

Laney Moreno

Dear Laney,

For a few days, we're visiting my good friend Amy and her family in southern California. We took the plane here together - just the two of us - and you were a peach.

You are having the BEST time here with the Moreno family. Amy has started jokingly calling you "Laney Moreno." You love Amy. You love George. You love Julia. You love Christian. This morning, to help you feel more at home, Julia pretended to be Ella. She does a very good Ella impression, except that she's nicer than Ella.

This morning, we went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant where you loved the tortillas and guacamole, and then we went to the petting zoo! You saw guinea pigs and bunnies. Amy and Christian rode the train and Julia rode a horse all by herself.

You know that thing you do when you're REALLY happy? That thing when you flap your arms like a chicken and breathe in and out really fast? Yeah, you've been doing that ALL DAY.

The only thing we're missing is your dad.

Love,

Mom

Reader Request

Dear Laney,

We got an e-mail request from a loyal blog reader in Vienna, Georgia, who suggested that if I fed you Spaghettios, it would be hilarious. Hysterical, even. He suggests this, because he knows he wouldn't have to be the one to take you in the backyard and hose you down after. But we like to keep our loyal readers happy - all 7 of them - so off to the store we went last week, intent on buying you Spaghettios.

Until I read the back of the label.

Ugh, I just didn't have it in me to feed you a heapin' helpin' of corn syrup and 28 other ingredients I had never heard of.

But to (hopefully) placate Mr. Mercer of south Georgia, behold! Laney's first pasta with meat sauce and spinach!

Love,

Mom

P.S. Nope, that's not an earring in your left ear - it's spinach.

First Dirty Feet

Dear Laney,

Spring has sprung, and it was about 70 degrees outside today. I mention this so I won't get any angry calls from your grandmother(s) demanding, "WHY AREN'T THERE ANY CLOTHES ON THAT BABY?!?"

In addition to being half-naked in the dirt, you also went to Wal-Mart this afternoon and had your diaper changed in the bathroom of the Firestone tire place. All in all, today we scored an 80% on the Redneck-O-Meter. You had Mama, but you were missing trains, trucks, prison and gettin' drunk.

Thank God.

Love,

Mom

Add It To The List

Dear Laney,

We should probably add "Eating Mac n' Cheese n' Peas" to the list of THINGS THAT SHOULD NOT BE DONE TOPLESS... Right between "Frying Chicken" and "Spring Break"

Love,

Mom

The Babysitter

Dear Laney,

A few weeks ago, I splurged and bought a robot vacuum cleaner. You press that one little Power button in the middle, and it cruises around the house like R2-D2, cleaning the whole floor. Your dad says the only thing it's missing is a little robot voice that says "Thor...the...floors...are...clean."

The other day, I sat you down in your crib so that I could put the iRobot on the floor in your room and get it started. As it spun around the room, you watched it with such pure concentration it was like you were watching the final laps at Talladega. In fact, you were so mesmerized that I closed the door to your room and came downstairs and left the two of you alone.

Half an hour later, I went up to check on you, and you had fallen asleep sitting up with your head resting against your crib rails.

I tell you - if that little robot didn't pick up a single speck of dust, and all it did was entertain you for 30-minute intervals and lull you to sleep, it would have been worth the purchase price.

Love,

Mom

Humoring Dad

Dear Laney,

We went shopping today and I bought you a set of wooden blocks. I figured they would be $7 worth of fun. The end. What I didn't expect was that when I pulled them out of the bag when we got home, your dad would light up like it was his birthday and he had just been given the best gift he could have hoped for.

Now you and your dad are on the floor playing together... he's building block towers and you're trying to see if you can fit a whole block in your mouth. Best $7 purchase ever.

Update: Now your dad has turned all of the blocks so that their number sides are facing up, and he's pointing out the prime numbers. I'm sorry.

Love,

Mom