Welcome To The Big Ten

Dear Laney,

We only have one TV in our house. It's old and weighs a ton, and your dad and I haven't replaced it because we're cheap as hell thrifty! Also, researching which one to buy plus hauling this one out just seems exhausting. Never underestimate the power of inertia in this house.

More importantly, I didn't want us to be one of those families with a TV in every room; I didn't want us to scatter to our various corners instead of spending time with each other. I really shot myself in the foot with this rule, because having one TV means that your dad and I watch a lot more preschool programming than we would otherwise (where "otherwise" = none). Also, for all intents and purposes, we live in a three-room house. Having more than one TV just seems kind of silly, like that time we all stayed in the Honeymoon Suite at the Howard Johnsons in Cedaredge, CO, and they had this entertainment configuration:

Having one TV means that if a member of our family puts his big, wide, hairy, Hobbit-like foot down, we all end up having to watch Nebraska football. Apparently, Nebraska has been moved into something called "The Big Ten" this year, which is a big deal to people who care about such things. I am not one of those people. I was surprised - shocked, even - to learn that there is such a thing as football being played outside the SEC. I figured Midwesterners would be too busy making sculptures out of butter to play any real football.*

After kick-off last night, we were left to our own devices. You toyed with the idea of hunkering down with Ella and going to bed two hours early. You played the "Oh No, Piggy!" game on my iPod. Then, you headed upstairs. Minutes later, I heard Dora's grating voice coming from your room. All on your own, you had remembered that I had stashed a mini DVD player in your bookcase for a future plane trip. You set up a chair at the side of your bed, and banged on the buttons 'til you found the one that made the DVD play.

I know there are people who think that watching TV will make you stupid. To them I say, there are only a few more months of football left in this season, and then we'll make it a point to get smarterer. Also, Thor grew up in a cabin with no television and has a graduate degree, but Laney's the one who can operate the electronics in the house. Just saying.

Love,

Mom

* I say this purely to annoy your Nebraska relatives. And Grandpops. And your dad.