Sounds Of The Season

12/13 UPS Shipping Center

Laney admires the Christmas tree, with its pretty, shiny ball ornaments. Studies an ornament from the tree, thoughtfully.

Mom (Interior monologue): How nice that she's being so gentle with that ornament.

Laney: (rips ornament from the tree, and spikes it to the ground, where it explodes in a million pieces, sending ornament shrapnel into the neighboring county). BOUNCE!

Mom: Laney, NO!

World's Sweetest UPS Employee: It's okay. I figured that was going to happen sooner or later.

Mom: Well, I'm so glad we could be the ones to get it done for you.

12/19 Southgate Mall, Santa Land

Santa (offering up huge basket of candy canes): Would a piece of candy make you feel better?

Laney: Don't like dat candy! Is too spicy.

12/21 United States Post Office, Frenchtown Montana

Laney sticks her whole head into the under-the-counter bin marked "Waste."

Laney: (yells) Coyooootes! (removes her head from trash bin and announces) Is ok, Mommy. 'Eres no coyotes in dere.

Postal Clerk: Did she say "Coyotes?"

Mom: I believe she did, yes.

Postal Clerk: Has she ever seen a coyote?

Mom: No, but "Diego" was trying to save this iguana, and as it turns out, iguanas are scared of coyotes, so from time to time we have to be sure there are no coyo.. Look, just give me some stamps.